Dear Diary of an Anxious Girl,
The past few days have been a huge eye opener. I’ve had a long chat with Scott over the corse of 2 days. I’ve cried to him, complained to him, told him how lonely I have been feeling. I told him how I didn’t believe I had any friends. He was like “Amber, look. I love you, but you need to do something. You’re not happy. You can either choose to continue living like this and be unhappy or you change something, just one thing. It doesn’t have to be huge.”
So I’ve been trying to change a little bit at a time. I sent my friend’s a long message where I was open, honest, and vulnerable. It was scary. What if it was pointless pouring my heart and soul into words? What if they didn’t care? What if they didn’t care enough to respond? A few of them did at least. Their replies made me feel better.
Today I also started asking people if they wanted to hang out. I usually almost never do this unless it’s with Scott. It was scary. Honestly, it made me feel annoying but at least I did it. I feel proud of myself. I’m glad I stepped out of my shell and at least tried to communicate and make plans.
I’ve also always been know as the book nerd, the girl that recommends books, the girl that reads; however, my mental health has made me fall out of love with reading for the past year or so. It’s taken a huge down turn in the last 6 months. But I just started reading again. I started blogging on my book blog again. Escape Life in the Pages if you’re curious. 🙂
I feel like I’m starting to find myself. I’ve been lost for so long I forgot who I was, who I am. It feels good to have my reading identity back. But by no means am I “cured”. I still have a long way to go. Today was just a good day and I wanted to document it.
My anxiety was starting to take over my life, control me, make me depressed. I’m trying to take my life back. It’s a work in progress. I’m just trying to take one day at a time. I’m not going to let anxiety win. I’m not going to let it beat me. I am stronger than my anxiety. I’m the strongest I’ve ever been. Keep fighting. You got this.